The mess in family law, in divorce, custody and access can’t be just the fault of one or the other of the genders. Yes, lots of men and lots of women are inhumane, selfish, greedy and all round nasty people. But not everyone and certainly not the majority. Are you perfect? Am I?
Family law turns people into blood enemies, The divorce industry thrives on the misery of couples and children. The bigger the mess they can create, the more money they can make. Yes, that is part of the problem, but not all.
We have completely lost a moral centre. I am not talking about religion, though religion is a big a part of the problem.
No, we no longer keep our word.
We ignore the golden rule. It is too corny. We no longer tolerate the weakness and foibles of others but expect them to tolerate ours. Hard work is out. Self indulgence is in. Yes this is also part of the problem, but not all.
When we meet someone, we have sex as a prelude to getting to know their name. We move into together with a total stranger and play house, because anything is better then spending Saturday night alone.
Marriage is now nothing more then the new, preferred method of dating. That way no one has go get up in the middle of the night and go home…. And if something better comes along, dump the current paramour and move on. Hell marriage is only a piece of paper that gives us a tax deduction.
When we discover that we really don’t like this stranger we married, we have kids as a distraction. If the kids cramp our style, we toss them in daycare and dope them with Ritalin so we are not inconvenienced.
Blaming each other is pointless in most cases. So often both parties are spoiled, selfish, narcissistic slobs who are not capable of mature self sacrifice, hard work and the honesty needed to make a marriage work. If one party forgets to pick up the Hagen Daz, the other party screams abuse.
All these are part of the problem.
As a society we have lost our way. We avoid all commitment, to spouses, to work, to education and most of all to ourselves. We seem to believe the world owes us a living.
How can we change these things? Simple. Start with ourselves. Practice keeping our word. Look out for number two.for once. Instead of expecting the world to change to meet our needs, maybe if we just set our own standards and lived by them we would find our corner of the world gets better.
Maybe. Maybe we improve the world, one person at a time. Starting with ourselves.
J Kirby Inwood